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I post (hopefully) useful, seasonal articls to help navigate the emotional year. I'd love to hear from you.

By cwhyte, Jan 5 2018 02:19PM

How many of us take this time of year to make resolutons about, getting healthier, breaking addictions, being more sociable, getting organized, taking up new hobbies?

I want to talk about why resolutions fail.


I set myself the resolution to take 20 minutes cardio exercise every day, walking, last year. It started well. I walked a bit but by June it was never regular. Through the rest of the year, and every time I had a brisk walk I reminded myself how I was 'meant' to be doing this every day. I beat myself up, in my head. Every time I managed to get a walk in, I turned that walk into a reminder of how I failed. Every Time.


My work is based on the law that thought influences matter: our thoughts govern our reality. We surround ourselves with stories.


When I think ' I want to get fit', I'm actually thinking. 'I'm unfit and get puffed going up that little hill, I don't like that bit of belly that sort of droops over my knicker line and when did I get so wide?

There is a story, or in this case several stories, that I use to illustrate and 'flesh out' (pun intended) my self image.

Let's look deeper. When I walk 'that little hill (it's actually mercifully short and really very steep)' I'm reminded that my body finds it exhausting. I have a choice. Do I puff and wheeze up the hill wishing I'd gone for more walks and that I'd got myself fit OR do I puff and wheeze up the hill and congratulate myself on getting some cardio time in?

Do I remind myself what a failure I've been OR do I allow myself to do the thing I want to do?

Do I fail or excersise?

That was the easy straight forward one.


When I look at the droopy belly it's not even about excercise. It goes deeper to my stories that explain the expectation of how many children I thought I would have, to what it means, to me, to be a woman, to stories that explain why in some situations I feel so vulnerable and raw.

So as I look up the steep, muddy gradient and brace myself for the climb, my choices are more like: Do I allow those stories to beat me up and define me OR do I allow myself kindness and tenderness in the cardio climb.

In excercising that core am I twisted up in failure; fully focused on my emotional pain and feeling it through excersise (or lack of it) or, am I acting from a place of safety with love and approval of myself and having fun?


Let's suppose I choose kindness and tenderness and allowing myself to do the things I want to do. My New Years Resolution this year then is to be compassionate with myself, to allow myself to choose and to be gentle and understanding about the choices I make, especially when it feels like I have no choice.


Happy New Year, may all your choices be tender.




By cwhyte, Dec 20 2017 11:15AM

The Solstice is tomorrow, Thursday 21st (at 16.28 in the Northern hemisphere). I urge you to take some time, if you can, to sit quietly today, tomorrow or on Friday.

The Solstice is traditionally a time for dreaming. I don't mean sleeping, I mean the work of dreaming forward, dreaming a future: misty edges, eyes full of wonder of the possibilities and promise of epic awesomeness waiting for us on the doorstep of life.

It's a time to put aside all realistic limitations, it's a time to surrender our thinking, practical self; the self that says 'well that's just silly' or 'when would I get the time/money/help' or 'I don't deserve that lovely thing'.

It's the time of blankets, the time to make the choice to allow ourselves the time to JUST DREAM. No strings, no repercussions, no guilt, just fantasy.

Now your dream for your future self needs to be drawn in, called, invited, like a new life. Space needs to be made for it.

Dream big, start small if you have to but kick back and choose to allow yourself to enjoy it. Be kind to yourself.

Remember what makes you happy, or even that you can be happy/ calm/ joyful and daydream. Dream more of it. Forget the but's and should's and allow your dreaming to take you to some place amazing.


If you have time spend 3 days on it from Thursday to Saturday. If you don't have time then carve out just One hour or even half of One, or even just the time it takes to boil a kettle and drink your hot cup.

Walk, dance, sing, be in the moment and ENJOY living. Treat yourself then focus on one aspect. If it's something that you'd like to grow then imagine it 1 year from now grown bigger, more rich and vibrant. If it's something you'd like to be rid of then imagine you 1 year from now living without it; really picture yourself free, feel how you feel now that it's gone. Feel that spark, even if your mind rationalises it away from you after a couple of seconds, know that for that moment you were living it (and loving it) and if you've done it once you can there again.


Once you've enjoyed your moment, condense it, try to sum it up in three words or less - but it doesn't matter if you can't. Write it down, draw an image or choose an item (or place) that strongly reminds you of that moment and keep it somewhere that is special to you. Maybe a nature table or alter or shelf that you keep precious things on. The bit of floor by your bed, the bottom of your bag, just keep it with you in a way that is meaningful to you.


All that's left to do as you get back to your tribe and commitments is take the memory of your glow with you. Each time you remember your moment free of what if's and but's, or take time out to make another one, you are calling it into being just a little bit more.


By cwhyte, Nov 30 2017 09:03AM

Traditional, old world, custom for this time of year sees us, cleaning and sharpening tools, tidying the outside areas in readiness for the Winter, finishing those jobs we've been working on and generally making ready for the long dark. Later we get to dream and plan, but for now we are engaged in the work of endings.

In my early teens I discovered Paganism and Wicca and 'did that' for a while, into my mid twenties. I haven't identified as Wiccan for a long, long time now but I still feel very close to the Wheel of the Year. I was taught that Samhain or Halloween marks the end of the year. It always resonated with me because the year end always finds me feeling reflective anyway and I find a better outlet for that in Samhain, All Saints day/ Day of the dead and later Rememberance day – all with a pretty backdrop of fireworks and (since I've lived in the South West) light carnivals.

I find if I shift my reaction to the years end around to January I quickly feel miserable and out of sorts in all the grey and wet.

Living by the Wheel of the year just works for me, and so I find myself here, in November, my natural reflective place, writing a short essay- is this an essay? Let's call it an article- on endings.


The next spoke on the Wheel is the Solstice, a time for creating by dreaming deeply and freely. In order to be ready for it we need to leave off the baggage and the bulky overcoats of our public personae.

I invite you to take a couple of days to consider what you may need to tidy up and put away – metaphorically speaking. What tools (coping mechanisms) do you have that need shelving or readjusting. A bit like a Marie Kondo clear out, approach yourself with a list of questions. Examine your reactions to common situations with the questions:


Is it doing me any good? (is it actually useful?)

Does it make me feel happy?

Do I love it?


Take time and be kind to yourself as you ask these questions. You don't need to act on the answers, though you may find that you just do.



By guest, Nov 30 2015 11:09AM

Over the last couple of years I have written a couple of newsletter artilces for clients. I've had lovely feedback saying that they are useful so I'm collecting some of them here to share with you along with some new ones.

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