We tend to think that anger dulls our awareness, but the opposite is true. Anger actually increases sensory awareness in the moment when we believe we are in danger.
Anger is an emotional response to a perceived threat, part of your bodies way of getting ready to either fight, run or hide.
Anger needs us to focus on problems, and danger, allowing us to assess the most safe action if the situation escalates. Because of this, anger needs action before it can be fully released.
But why do some people get calm and others seem to hang onto it? Are they just angry people?
There is ALWAYS a reason behind anger. No-one is just an angry person, and those who seem to be angry all the time are very good at storing their anger, but not so good at metabolising it.
Our first chance to learn emotional processing is through our families experiences. If our primary caregiver stores anger, we learn to also store anger.
If we are shown, through others reactions, that anger is scary, we learn to fear it.
We can probably all agree that angry people are threatening. Something that often goes unsaid in these environments, is that threatened people get angry.
People who are good at storing anger can pass responsibility for their feelings to the people around them. Living angry means you refuse to pick up your issues and sort through them, leaving all the small things that wind you up out in plain view for you or someone else to trip on, and then getting upset when they do.
If you expect those around you to accommodate your anger and to appease you, you are pushing responsibility for your emotions onto them. If you blame others for “making you angry”, and believe it, you are giving away your own power to control your inner life.
As I said at the top, there is always a reason for anger. Once it is no longer needed; as long as you allow it to, anger flows away. It's my job to help you understand your reason, and to support you as you learn what it feels like to live without it.
Image by Marek Piwnicki
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